


Glass Half Empty, Glass Half Full

by rhyegama



Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Amnesia, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-11 04:47:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11707119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhyegama/pseuds/rhyegama
Summary: Alec Lightwood has no recollection of the Shadow World.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (Not sure where this is going but I'm going to kick this idea around for a bit)  
> (Going to update tags as I go along, sorry in advance if characters are OOC!!)

A gut-wrenching feeling overcame him and he woke up to a shallow breath that painted the cold air white. His fingers curled at the grass and he felt his body relax into the state of nothingness. Alec stood up stare at the trees surrounding him and where there should have been fear and confusion there was an eerie calmness he couldn't wrap his head around. He smiled at the calmness that evaded his mind and for the longest moment just stood staring at the trees rustling in the wind. Wrapping his sweater closer he felt the breeze pass through the holey fabric. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. 

"What's up?" He chuckled at the sound of pans falling in the background.

"GOD DAMMIT!" His roommate screamed, "Hold on," the shuffling of feet was heard on the phone before the annoyed voice came back, "Think you can pick up white wine?" 

"Should I be worried?" Alec's teasing voice masked his concern. 

"Nahhh," He could picture his roommate rolling his eyes at him, "I wanted to make mussels." 

Alec shuffled his hand into the pockets and felt the change jingle back at him. Passing back and forth a couple more jokes he hung up and began making his way to down the busy streets of Brooklyn. In a hurry to get out of the cold weather he rushed past strangers bee-lining to the 24/7 convenient store he knew would have at least one wine bottle. In the rush he slammed into a man wearing a trench coat. He raised his hand in an apologetic manner but was faced with a man who looked like he saw a ghost. The look made him pause for a minute as he stared into the intense look of the stranger. 

"Are you okay?" Something told Alec that it wasn't right to leave the man standing in the middle of a street and he could tell a panic attack was underway, "Is it okay if I touch you?"

A small voice in his head told him not to get involved with the Asian man but he felt an unknown tug of affection for the man. Slowly grabbing the man's hands he gestured him to sit down on the park bench, telling him he'd be back in a minute. Walking to the nearest vending machine he paused on the options and selected black coffee and a bottle of water. Feeling self conscious, he could feel the stranger's eyes never leaving him as he walked back to the vending machine back. 

"Here drink this," Deciding a non-caffeine option would be best, "Do you want me to call anyone?" 

His question was met with utter silence, and while he would have normally felt awkward at the tension there was a sea of comfort when he looked at the man. Maybe he made a mistake and the guy was insane, but he recalled when he had met Cameron and the shape he had been in. If it weren't for him...Alec's fingers clenched at the thought and nervously drummed at the can of black coffee. His eyes eventually turned to the quiet man who seemed to recollect himself and was now observing Alec with such intensity that the blue-eyed man began running his hand through his hair.

Yes, this was definitely a mistake.

"W-well, I'm going to," Slowly getting up, Alec felt like he had done his good will for the day, "get going so...it was nice meeting you." 

He didn't get far from the bench before cat-like reflexes from the now calm man shot up and grabbed onto Alec tightly, "T-thank you." 

"You're welcome," The sudden movement startled him but he couldn't find himself willing to part with the ringed hand. 

"What is your name?" A sudden burst of confidence came out of the man, and he could've sworn he saw a spark of blue emit from the stranger's hand. 

Rubbing the back of his head again with the free hand, "Alexander but you can call me Alec." 

Whisking his painted nails away from Alec he stood up and straightened himself, "I apologize for my unruly behavior, please let me make it up to you." Making a quick grab at the phone in Alec's hands, he found himself confused at the actions, the quick swipe on the phone indicated that his phone was now unlocked. Weird. He could have sworn that he set a password on the phone, distracted by the thought he didn't hear the number pad being pushed till he head another ringtone. 

"You have my number Alexander, I'm Magnus," Magnus smiled at the bewildered man, "Let me take you out for a drink at least. That is...if your boyfriend wouldn't mind." 

"U-uh, e-erm," Losing footing at how quickly the events escalated he struggled with his words, "He's my roommate, not my boyfriend." A crimson red blush traveled down his neck, Cameron probably placed a selfie photo of the two of them in the background. A flash of relief seemingly passed through Magnus's eyes. 

Alec jerked away from the sudden hand jerking movement Magnus seemed to have as the fingers lightly traced an invisible 'z' on his neck. Magnus appeared to be in deep thought another random question appeared, "No tattoos?" 

His eyebrows curled into confusion, but he seemed to find himself submitting to every odd gesture the man did, "No?" Unsure why his answer came out of as a question, "No" he corrected himself. 

Magnus had to bit his tongue to stop himself from the flood of questions he wanted to ask him, but he knew that the situation called for discretion. But he couldn't stop his eyes from tearing up at the sight of his ex-lover, the rush of sadness overcame him and he found his eyes redden at the sight of his Alexander. Whatever had happened to him, he would find out and he was certain he'd bring an end to whoever did this. 

"Are you sure you're okay," Alec's face now leaning, unconsciously finding himself wanting to talk to this man. 

With a wave of a hand, Magnus appeared to fall back into a state of calmness, "Yes, yes I am Alexander." His tight smile held the situation in threads, "I expect your call soon." 

Alec reached his hand to take back his phone and the moment he did, the man that stood in front of him disappeared in a blink. Alec let a startled breathe brush the cold air again. What the hell was going on? He stared at the unopened black coffee can. Did he imagine that all? Looking down on his phone though he saw an outgoing call indicating he hadn't be hallucinating. 

Magnus, that had a nice ring to it.


	2. Chapter Two

The Ming Dynasty vase shattered to the ground along with a series of other porcelain work so carefully placed on the shelf. Chairman Meow darted out of his hiding spot under the couch, turning to look at its intruder with distain for ruining its nap. Magnus slammed his hands onto the table, letting the wood crack at the contact. His tears fell with joy and hurt, His Alexander was alive, but in body not mind. After five years, he still didn't know what to do when faced without his better half. Alec was the invisible glue that held everyone together whether he knew it or not. When they lost him, there was no question that the war between everyone and Valentine had to come to an end. Yet after this many years they only found themselves with a greater enemy - Sebastian.

_"YOU MONSTER!" Maryse screamed, trying to claw herself out of Isabelle's grasp, "HOW DARE YOU SHOW YOUR FACE HERE."_

_"Mother!" Isabelle held onto her mother tightly, firmly using her upper body to stop any movement, "Please, today...we're all hurting just..." her body shuddered and all composure was lost._

_Maryse held onto Isabelle protectively, "Okay, anything you want Isabelle for today." She couldn't lose another, holding in her breathe, "Tomorrow you leave and never come back."_

_"I'm so sorry," Magnus's eyes clouded with grief._

_His shoulders turned to face eyes that nearly matched his grief, "Don't be Magnus," Jace's eyes closed, "You did your best and Maryse knows that. It was just...too soon after Max. He loved you and I'm not just saying that. I felt it, he was enamored by you. He only saw you and he would've given up anything for you."_

_Nodding Magnus knew he didn't need to reply to Jace's words. Alexander didn't know that loving himself was the first step in any relationship and Magnus wondered about that. Whether or not Alexander found that out for himself would be a secret he took with him to the grave. His fingers went to the simple single gold ring on his hand and then traveled up to his neck where he felt the second pair hanging onto a chain. His eyes swept to the body covered in a white sheet with red petal scattered. Even though the sheet was opaque, he could see the outlines of the jaw of the Shadowhunter he kissed tenderly and the curly hair he would run his fingers through first thing in the morning._

_But where there should have been a scent, there was nothing but death lingering onto his lover's body. He could sense the questioning and accusing looks of the Institute's Shadowhunters gathered. Whispers wondered why the Clave allowed a Downworlder into the sacred ceremony._

_"You broke his heart," Robert's hand touched the blanketed sheet, he looked as if he had aged 20 years past, "I know he didn't tell you that Max passed away. He had an inkling that you wanted to talk to him about something out of his depth that night, so he decided to tell you that Max was okay." The father of once four and now two sighed, "I taught him that a strong leader did not waver. I told him he would cause burden if he could not bare it himself. I didn't want to tell him about the Soul Sword, but..." choking he removed his hand from the blanket to straighten his tie, " Maryse and I don't know where he gets his love from."_

_Robert stared at the identical rings Magnus had on his neck and hand, "Perhaps, it was just the timing of it all. Alec never had good timing," Placing his hand where Jace did moments before, "You're not a good person, but for Alec I did think you tried."_

_"Father," Jace snapped sharply at Robert, walking in to hear the last part, "It's time."_

_The room entered into silence as the Silence Brothers proceeded into the room, and Magnus found himself tuning out. His gaze never left the Alexander’s body and he found himself drifting off to imagine what their wedding would have been like if timing, like Robert said, did work out._

_When Jace and Isabelle’s voices had broke through the phone he had thought they were there to yell at him about Alexander’s distraught over the breakup but a darker truth presented itself. His lover attempted to summon a memory demon without the knowledge of anyone else and was now convulsing on the stone ground. Not asking why his Alexander tried to do such a thing he found himself just hours later still pouring magic into his lifeless body. Jace’s tear-stricken face proved that nothing would work, and not wanting to see anymore happen to his_   _Parabatai’s body he tried to remove the warlock._

_Seeing red, Magnus could see what were parts of the summoning ritual and while it would look like it was for a memory demon, he could see that some fine details that did not line up. The should have been dull green chalk lacing the four quadrant of the circle, a faint blue did instead. The smell of lavender was replaced by rosemary. This summoning intended for the circle to break._

_“You don’t think Alec was trying to,” Isabelle’s voice tightened as she held onto Jace’s hand, “or did someone try to…” Her veins rained with bloodthirst, Alec would never try to do this himself, he was stronger then that._

_“I don’t know,” Magnus held onto Alec’s cold, dampening body, “We’ll find out what happened.” His clothes were covered in blood and he gently lifted his body closer to him, placing his forehead to his chest._

_They never did. No traces on how Alec got his hands on the circle drawing. Nothing on how he had left the institute without anyone knowing. Nothing on why Jace didn’t feel anything with his Parabatai’s rune when Alec had clearly suffered a great deal before dying. Nothing added up to how Alec got in this state other then the possibility that Max’s death and Magnus’s breakup was too much for him to hold._

_Arguments emerged between the siblings and Clave as they refused to allow a proper burial for Alexander, citing that suicide was not an honorable death. It was seen as betrayal to the Shadowhunters and Clave itself. When Maryse and Robert stepped in, the Clave was reluctant but allowed the burial rites to proceed. Magnus was no longer found in his flat and various rumors began to emerge from finding a new lover to destroying an island. His brief presence was only felt at the funeral._

_“Alexander Gideon Lightwood,” Magnus watched the red sparks emitting from the steele to cover the blanket sheet as gasps in horror and awe sounded the chamber. It was unprecedented for a Downworlder to lead the burial rites. Murmurs of the reply to the name echoed and Magnus allowed himself a single tear run down his harden face._

Dialing Isabelle’s number, Magnus held a dry thought at her reaction to his long absence. The phone ringed for a moment’s time, “Isabelle…I saw him.”

“Oh Magnus!” Isabelle’s nose sniffled through the phone, “I know, I know we all have. You have to talk to us, are you at the loft?”

Magnus froze on the phone, “No Isabelle, I felt him. He’s alive.”

A long pause enveloped the two and Magnus shook his head, “Nevermind, you might be right.”

“Are you okay?” She spoke softly through the phone, “I know it has been hard on all of us.”

“Yes,” Magnus quietly answered back, “It was good to hear your voice. Send Simmons my best wishes.” Hearing her reply and a short laughter, he couldn’t help but wonder if he was the only one who hadn’t move on it. He didn’t know the last time he had genuinely laughed. Hanging up, Magnus saw the gold ring reflect back at him held it to his nose, taking in the faint sandalwood scent that he could find peace in.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CAUTION: RAPE read at your own risk

“That took forever!” Cameron’s voice rang from the kitchen, “What the hell took you so lo-“ looking his roommate up and down he paused throwing an accusing look at Alec, “You met someone didn’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Alec shyly avoided the green-eyed male.

Cameron gave him a dark look, stepping a bit too close for Alec’s liking, “You’re rubbing your fingers together, now spit it out Alexander!”

Sitting himself down on a sofa he tossed the bottle of wine to the side and patiently waited for his roommate to come back. Hearing the wine open he looked up to find a glass of wine in front of his redden face. This was going to be one hell of a night. Alec would be lying if he didn’t find his roommate slightly handsome with his brunette hair messily spiked up. The piercing green eyes seemed to see through every doubt and shadow he tried to hide, it was like the man had known him his entire life. But his temper was to be reckoned with.

Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar. Liar.

Cameron hated lies.

There was no need for lie about something so simple.

Sipping the dry wine Alexander relaxed into the sofa, turning to face his ever-patient friend. His tongue recoiled at the taste, he was pretty sure he’d prefer a fruiter drink. As he began to recollect everything that happened when he came back from work he observed Cameron’s face to see if there was any flick of judgement. His face remained stoic as he continued to pour more wine for Alec.

“You said his name is Magnus?” Cameron swirled the wine glass, pausing to sniff it, “That’s a unique name. So what you want to fuck him?”

Alec widened his eyes and jumped at the thought. Sure, he thought the man was somewhat comfortable to be around but he barely knew the man, “No! How could you say that?!”

 “Sorry,” Pulling Alec back down to the sofa, he saw regret in Cameron’s sad smile, “I worry about you, you know that.” Hugging the upset man, he softly pats the ex-Shadowhunter’s back, “You frightened me, I don’t want you to have to go through what you went through with Jordan again. I care about your well-being Alexander.”

Feeling a pit of shame build in his stomach, Alec swallowed the thought, “I know, I-I guess you’re right. It was in the moment of it all.”

He causally slugged his arms around Alec’s shoulders, taking a large sip from his glass, “Hmmm…I’ll be back, I’ll make you a drink you like and some food too.”

“I’m feeling tired,” Covering a yawn Alec’s hand rested on his mouth. The talk had drained a lot out of him. He hesitantly looked up, “I’ll help you clean up.”

“Of course, dear” He snapped his fingers, watching Alec’s body fall lifelessly on top of his. 

** Cameron’s POV **

_ Stupid warlock _ , Cameron carefully placed his body on the bed, letting his eyes rake over his lean muscles. The soft mouth watered at his still body. His nose brushed against the nape of Alec’s neck, it faintly smelled like that filthy warlock’s hands.  _I was so sure he had went away. How annoying._

His hands ran along the black shirt, eyes raking in the slow fabric coming off the Shadowhunter. Alexander was his and no one was going to come between them, his eyes hardened. He waited too long for this. The warlock had a turn with him so why couldn't Cameron take over. He wanted the body to submit to him. 

"Alexander you thirsty little slut," Cameron purred,  his hands running across yanking the shirt off. His pupils blackened entirely and he shoved his mouth against the passed out lips. Forcing the lips open, the teeth drew blood and Cameron began rubbing his hands lustfully against the crook of Alec's pants. He was going to give the boy a fucking of his life. 

"Is everything okay? Are you comfortable?" He rubbed his body against him. Seeing no reply his crazed eyes drooled at the thought of possessing the boy. Alexander was such a sweet boy. The magic would kick in any moment now; the thought made him nearly explode.

A drip of precum formed at his tip and Cameron watched it darkened the boxer, "Oh darling I'll take good care of you". He worked so hard to mimick the warlock's mannerism so Alec could fall for him. 

_ So tight for me _   _sweetie._ A finger brushed around the rim and he watched and listened to the breathing. One finger slide inside and Alec's soft groan echoed the room. The black eyes milked in the sight of the his fast breath. Two fingers inside and Cameron watched as his cock throbbed against Alec's, the precum mixing all together. With the third finger inside he began to move. 

Losing all control Cameron started to shove his fingers in and out rapidly. The moans from the bottom got louder and he groan rubbing his hard cock against the naked body. Alexander squirmed at the invasion in his ass but found himself unable to move. Cameron lazily used his free hand to magic green restraints from Alec's wrist to the head of the bed. Not that it would matter anyways. He and Alec belonged together. 

"S-stop," Alexander's eyes fluttered open in confusion, a thin line of sweat covered his body, "Mmmagnus?" 

Cameron's head snapped at the name, he shoved his fingers harder inside. The tips brushed and pulsed against his prostate, causing the other to whimper, "What the hell did you just say?" 

Alec's eyes hazed in lost and lust, the spell had clearly worked and Alec was not struggling to leave. His mouth drunkily slurred, "Waaaaa....goon...on...." 

_ Fuck that warlock. _  Cameron smiled sweetly at his lover, brushing a piece of dampened hair out of Alec's eyes, "Alexander," he leaned in to suck hard on his neck, "What's going on is me fucking you. Cameron, you know the person who saved you. I'm going to have you bouncing on my cock by the end of the night. I love you so much." 

Alexander's eyes dilated at the thought registering the command. 

Drinking in the innocent look, he continued, "You can be friends with Magnus still," he removed his fingers and chuckled at Alec's whine, the whining was replaced by a pleasurable sigh as he stuffed his cock in the loosened hole. Of course his pet needed attention and he was happy to provide. He pistoned his hips slowly, letting the Shadowhunter scream at the loss of contact. 

"Please," he struggled with words, his mind clouded with nothing more than wanting to be filled. 

"Please what?" Cameron quipped, lightly touching Alec's nipples. 

He sobbed unable to get his sentences straight, "Need..." 

"Mmmmmm not good enough darling," Cameron began fucking his roommate harder and the sound of his balls slapped against Alec's ass. Grunting a final time, his seed filled his lover's hole. Alexander's wrist redden as he desparately pulled against the magic bond holding him still. It was clear he still needed to cum, and badly. A drool of cum dripped out and down his hole. The slime of white coming out of him reminded him more of the release he craved for. 

Alexander's crying got louder and his eyes were getting itchy. Cameron tutted at him as if he was lecturing a student, "I waited a long time for you in Edom, and I've watched you for a very long time. It's only fair that you do the same for me dear." 

 

 

He rolled off the bed and walked to the drawer humming an unfamiliar tune, "Ah this one," he pulled out a vibrator he knew would keep Alec awake but not brought to fully. Working it into the wet hole he chuckled again, "I'll be back tomorrow." 

 

He wanted Alexander to feel and know what it was like losing your mind. He needed to clean the tainted body from today's events. 


	4. Chapter Four

Alec's consciousness faded in and out in what felt like days passing by. The faint vibrations hitting his prostate would shift ever so slightly never giving him the release he desperately wanted. Everything only added to his increasing fogginess and his ears didn't even register the door creaking open with footsteps to follow. 

_"Alexander?" It was the same man he had bumped into the street, except this time there was more clarity in his face, "How's Max?"_

_Alec held his tongue wanting to hear what Magnus had to say, he could read his face and it was preoccupied with what it looked words that needed to be spilled. If it was anything that he had long feared he no longer feared it. The quick Fearless rune he drew on his side faintly glowed. He knew they were at a cross-road and it seemed like he made the right choice._

_"He's going to be okay," Alec's smile covered the tears and fears he wanted to let out._

_Magnus carefully looked at Alec and smiled back, "I'm glad - We need to talk though."_

_Alec's smile faltered but he remained neutral when all he wanted to do was say that everything was wrong and nothing was right, "I love you Magnus."_

_"I love you too, but as a leader there are difficult decisions I have to make to ensure the survival of my people. The only thing holding me back is you." Magnus raised his hand to touch the tear running down Alec's eye, "I can't have both, I'm sorry but this is where it ends."_

_Alec's shell shattered and he held onto Magnus' hands, "You can have both - I swear."_

_The ringing in his ears overshadowed the next words Magnus spoke and he wondered why the Fearless rune wasn't working. Why was he crying and his hands shaking? It was only then that it occurred to him that this was something that he did fear but large part of him existed that told him he'd never be enough for Magnus. A part of him accepted that Magnus would leave him one day and that acceptance burnt out any fear he would've had. It was complete submission that he'd give anything up for Magnus and when it was time he'd let go and carry the secret with him._

_His head pounded and he felt blood leaving his head. He was losing Max and he had now lost Magnus. His eyes blankly stared at the spot the Warlock stood a few minutes ago and felt numb._

_"But I love you..." His chest heaved and he willed himself to closing off the fear he had more then losing Magnus - forgetting him._

_Everything was going to be okay._

Alec's lustful eyes stared at Cameron, his conscious forgetting the memory. His head leaned into the hands gently stroking the wet dark hair glistening from all the sweat he produced. His mouth parted dry from the lack of water and constant sweating. Cameron smirked lightly tracing his fingers along the parched lips, his ears delighted at the groaning Alec emitted from the touch, "......pl-please......t..touch me more." 

His eyes rolled back in pleasure at the demand and he sat next to Alec's tied up body, "Alexander, we still have a lot of work to do. I know you're a traditional man." His eyes turned black at the memory, all that time in Edom he spent watching Alec he memorized all the intimate memories the Shadowhunter held. He was going to give him plenty better ones.

Flicking his hands, the cock ring holding in the pressure snapped off caused the Shadowhunter to gasp and scream at the intensity of the orgasm. His fingers clawed at the bed sheet he gripped tightly making his wrist turn white. His entire body shook the bed and collapsed into a pile from the lack of sleep. Cameron lightly traced a line from chin to waist down at the sleeping man looking intently at him. He originally wanted to simply steal the man and keep Alec to himself forever, but he now had a greater goal. Magnus had to suffer like he had, the Warlock had needed to feel what he had felt when Alec wasn't his. 

Cameron's smile surfaced like a cat knowing it had its prey corner. He knelled over the bed and tugged his pants down. His hands were tugging on his cock slowly, letting the heat rise in the pits of his stomach. His fingers moved to the tip, his voice became harsh with a low moan. A small pool of cum formed at the tip - Alec would never escape him, he'd make sure that the boy was thoroughly hungry for him. His back arched, trying to hold in the cum threating to spill over.

Alexander would be his. Using one of his free hands he grabbed tightly onto the non-responsive body. Watching Alexander lose his mind to pleasure and not being able to do anything made his harden cock tighter. 

"Such a good boy aren't you?" He'd violate the body. 

Groaning loudly he squeezed Alec's ass firmer, giving it a slap, "You wanted it so bad you would've bend over and shove your ass up with a pathetic dog in heat." 

"F-fuck, it's your fault," his hands rubbed the his redden thick shaft furiously. 

Panting hard, he moved closer to Alec's bare body and spilled everything onto the unconscious body. The pupils of his eyes turned feral, and using his the index of his finger he moved the the white substance along the his sleeping abs. 

At the flick of his wrist the bed was in order and Alec was fully dressed. Nothing gave any indication of the hostile attack on Alec. 

_Let the games begin._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER. Sorry I've been busy.


End file.
